One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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