I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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