yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
