Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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