she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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