No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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