You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
