He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
