I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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