I cockslap morals
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
