Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
