I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
