I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
