M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
