I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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