We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
