I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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