You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
