There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
