It's Friday. Sex?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
