I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
