Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
