My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
