singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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