he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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