So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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