Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
