The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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