I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
try to milk me bitch
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