There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
