it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
cat food counts as protein by the way
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
