I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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