I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
