Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
