I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
