I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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