when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
