yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
