If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
