He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
