real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
