we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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