Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
