My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
