i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
