Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
