remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
