My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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