Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
