um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
