Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
