I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
